This article is a summary of the following episode: When Christians Hurt Each Other
Conflict among Christians can be one of the most painful experiences in life. The people who are supposed to embody grace and compassion sometimes wound each other the most deeply. Every believer knows what it feels like to be hurt or misunderstood by another Christian. Every believer also knows the guilt of being the one who caused pain.
The good news is that the gospel of Christ not only reconciles us to God but also gives us a way to live with one another in the midst of our failures.
Conflict Is Normal
Conflict is not a sign that something strange has happened. It is part of living in a fallen world. Even in the church, where we share the same Spirit and the same hope, we still sin against each other. We have not been freed from the presence of sin yet, which means we will continue to deal with misunderstanding, selfishness, and hurt until Christ returns.
That reality does not make conflict easy, but it should keep us from despair. We can acknowledge what is true without losing hope.
Begin with Humility
When conflict arises, humility must lead the way. Scripture calls us to consider others as more significant than ourselves. Pride assumes the worst of others. Humility gives them the benefit of the doubt.
When someone offends us, we often jump to conclusions about their motives. We think we know why they said what they said or did what they did. But we do not know another person’s heart. We are called to listen carefully, to ask clarifying questions, and to approach each other with gentleness.
Instead of accusing, we can say, “Here’s how that landed on me. Is that what you meant?” or “I may be misunderstanding you. Can you help me understand what you were trying to say?” Those small acts of humility often keep wounds from deepening.
Listen with Compassion
James tells us that wisdom is gentle, open to reason, and full of mercy. When someone tells us how our words or actions have hurt them, it is not our job to debate their experience. It is our job to listen and grieve that they have been hurt.
You may not have intended harm, but love acknowledges pain even when it was unintentional. A simple response like, “I am sorry that I made you feel that way. That was not my desire, and I want to understand,” can disarm tension and rebuild trust.
Address the Deeper Issues
Many arguments are not about the surface issue at all. They are the result of hidden frustration or unresolved hurt. In marriage, friendship, or church relationships, it is helpful to ask, “Is something else bothering you?” Often the real wound has never been named, and that question allows honesty to enter the room.
When believers walk in the light together, bitterness loses its power.
Remember the Gospel
The heart of reconciliation is the gospel. Jesus has loved us when we were his enemies. He forgave us when we were guilty and unrepentant. He continues to show mercy even when we fail him daily.
That reality changes how we relate to others. Christ has forgiven every sin that believers commit against one another. His death covers not only the offenses we confess but also the ones we do not even realize we have committed.
Because of this, we can forgive those who hurt us. Forgiveness is not easy, and it is not natural, but it is the way of those who have been forgiven much.
Forgive, Even When It Hurts
Jesus told his disciples to forgive again and again. He was not minimizing sin or pretending the pain is small. He was teaching that forgiveness is a posture of the heart, not a one-time event.
Sometimes forgiveness must be renewed daily. The hurt may linger, and the relationship may never return to what it was. Forgiveness does not always mean full restoration, and it does not erase consequences. But it does release the bitterness that poisons the soul.
Forgiveness frees us to love without demanding repayment. It entrusts justice to God, who judges rightly and never forgets.
Extend Grace in the Family of Faith
When we are wronged, it is tempting to hold grudges or demand proof of repentance. The gospel leads us in another direction. We deal with one another not according to law but according to grace. We seek peace. We aim to restore, not to punish.
Christians are called to love even when the other person does not respond in kind. Love does not wait to be reciprocated. It moves first. It lays down its rights and chooses compassion over vindication.
Healing and Hope
There are times when the pain of being hurt by another Christian runs deep. Some wounds take years to heal. There may be seasons where trust cannot be immediately rebuilt. Even so, we can rest in this: Jesus has borne every offense and every sorrow. He knows what it is to be betrayed, misunderstood, and forsaken by friends.
He also promises that a day is coming when sin will no longer separate us. Every tear will be wiped away. Every relationship between God’s people will be whole.
Until that day, we live as forgiven sinners who forgive. We love as those who have been loved first. We remember that the church is not a gathering of perfect people but a community of redeemed ones who are learning, slowly and painfully, to love like their Savior.
When Christians hurt each other, the gospel is still true. Christ is still enough. His mercy is the only thing strong enough to hold us together.
