Church, Discernment, and Purity Culture

By Theocast

In today's episode, the guys have a conversation about a very sensitive but important topic: sexuality. Over recent years and decades, there have been various approaches to how to handle issues of sexuality in the church. Jon and Justin talk honestly about their concerns regarding crass and crude language that is used to talk about sex--and the abuses of pastoral authority that often occur (e.g., Doug Wilson and Mark Driscoll). The guys also discuss their concerns with purity culture (Joshua Harris comes up here) and the very negative ways sex is portrayed in that kind of setting. There is a better and more biblical approach.

Semper Reformanda: Jon and Justin talk more about abuses of pastoral authority that occur in the church when it comes to sex in marriage. Then, the guys talk about how we often try to use outside means to address a heart-level problem.

Resources:

Sexuality, Acceptance, and the Gospel

NOTE: The quotes below are only provided at the request of our listeners. We in no way recommend these articles or books, for they go against the biblical understanding of how one should speak or write about women, marriage, or sexuality.

Quotes from Doug Wilson's blog articles and books:

“In other words, however we try, the sexual act cannot be made into an egalitarian pleasuring party. A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts. This is of course offensive to all egalitarians, and so our culture has rebelled against the concept of authority and submission in marriage. This means that we have sought to suppress the concepts of authority and submission as they relate to the marriage bed.”

– Douglas Wilson, Fidelity: What it Means to be a One-Woman Man (Moscow, Idaho: Canon Press, 1999), 86-87.

"Say a woman — for some egalitarian and very foolish reason, declines to have her dinner date walk her back to her car in some urban center after dark. Let us say she is raped and murdered. According to what RHE says, my response is going to be some variant of “served her right.” Now you would have to be a fool not to see the connection between her refusal of an escort and what happened to her, but you would also have to be pretty vile to say that walking to your car deserves the penalty of rape and murder. You would also have to be pretty high up among Obama’s advisers to falsely accuse someone of being that vile.

One consequence of rejecting the protection of good men is that you are opening yourself up to the predations of bad men. I fully acknowledge that this is not what such women think they are doing. They think they are rejecting the patriarchy, or some other icky thing, but when they have walked away from the protections of fathers and brothers, what it amounts to is a tacit (implicit, in principle, not overt) acceptance of the propriety of rape."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/110222.html

"Next time you are in a grocery store check out line check out (no, I don’t mean check out) the partially dressed female on the cover of the nearest women’s magazine, the kind my kids call a day-old doughnut. Right, the one with the fake bake tan, the abs of a sixteen-year-old boy, the boobs of a wet nurse, and the knock-your-eye out bottle blondisity."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/bottle-blondisity.html

"That sets the tone, and the pestering is then made complete by small-breasted biddies who want to make sure nobody is using too much hot water in the shower, and that we are all getting plenty of fiber."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/smash-the-complementarity.html

"My point is that jiggling your boobs for a YouTube clip is a response to an ignorant Muslim that works equally well as a response to the apostle Peter, which is to say, not at all."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/boobquake-and-the-meaning-of-history.html

"You see the strategy. Minimize the seriousness of this, but not so that you can feel good about indulging yourself. Minimize the seriousness of it so that you can walk away from a couple of big boobs without feeling like you have just fought a cosmic battle with principalities and powers in the heavenly places, for crying out loud. Or, if you like, in another strategy of seeing things rightly, you could nickname these breasts of other woman as the “principalities and powers.” Whatever you do, take this part of life in stride like a grown-up. Stop reacting like a horny and conflicted twelve-year-old boy."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/dealing-with-nuisance-lust-2.html

"So let me tell you what this symbolism really means. This is what they are saying. They are shamelessly declaring to the world that they are just a couple of cunts."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/that-lutheran-jezebel-lady.html

“Stephanie lost her temper completely and totally and shouted at him, “Lionel, I already have a pussy. What made you think I was in need of another one?” page 139

"Ace stood there for just a moment, and then he heard a voice, wafting up from below. “Uhhh. Do it again. Uhhh.Harder, harder.” As Ace walked over to the switch that would activate the compactor, he was nodding his head slowly, and very deliberately. Her voice was fading, but against the dead quiet of the late evening recycling plant, he could still hear it plainly. “Ride me, ride me,” the plaintive voice was saying. “Okay,” Ace said, “ride, Sally, ride,” and he flipped the switch.”'

https://canonpress.com/products/ride-sally-ride-a-novel/

"The first time the dishes are not done, he must sit down with his wife immediately and gently remind her that this is something which has to be done. At no time may he lose his temper, badger her, call her names, etc. He must constantly remember and confess that she is not the problem, he is. By bringing this gently to her attention, he is not to be primarily pointing to her need to repent; rather, he is exhibiting the fruit of his repentance.

He does this, without rancor and without an accusative spirit, until she complies or rebels. If she complies, he must move up one step, now requiring that another of her duties be done. If she continues to rebel after patient effort, he should at some point call the elders of the church and ask them for a pastoral visit. When the government of the home has failed to such an extent and a godly and consistent attempt by the husband to restore the situation has broken down, then the involvement of the elders is fully appropriate."

Doug Wilson,Federal Husband,Canon Press, 2011,chapter ‘Not Where They Should Be.’

"Second, wives need to be led with a firm hand. A wife will often test her husband in some area, and be deeply disappointed (and frustrated) if she wins. It is crucial that a husband give to his wife what the Bible says she needs, rather than what she says he needs. So a godly husband is a godly lord."

Wilson, Douglas (2009-04-01). Reforming Marriage (p. 80). Canon Press. KindleEdition.

"So he must be attractive to you, but you must also have a good understanding of the laws of attraction. If you are not attracted to a guy because he is a milksop, you shouldn’t feel bad about that. You are pleasing God through not being attracted. You are doing your duty. But if there is a guy you actually do respect, but you are not crushing on him, or your heart is not doing a gymnastic floor exercise, and as a result you worry that you are not “attracted,” this means you that probably are misinterpreting the laws of attraction at the deeper level. You are not attracted to a guy you know you could lead around. Goodfor you. But you might think you are not attracted to a guy because you are nervous about where he might lead you. Not so good."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/laws-of-attraction.html

"He should be aggressive enough, and well-endowed enough, to satisfy you sexually."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/laws-of-attraction.html

"Unbelieving women either compete for the attention of men through outlandish messages that communicate some variation of “easy lay,” or in the grip of resentment they give up the endeavor entirely, which is how we get lumberjack dykes. The former is an avid reader of Cosmopolitan and thinks she knows 15K ways to please a man in bed. The latter is just plain surly about the fact that there even are any men."

https://dougwils.com/books-and-culture/s7-engaging-the-culture/on-why-christian-women-are-prettier.html